．．．私の声．．．

i finally break down..... tell me exactly should i do

Merry Christmas!!!!!!! i'm staying at home this christmas. lonely lonely christmas.. sound sad huh? in fact i'm quite happy about it. to make it clear, i got a number of dates... its just that i rejected all of them. cos i decided to celebrate christmas with my piggies.. hehe.. i know it sounds stupid.. the truth is i really really need some rest. do my written report. and........ there's huge crowd everywhere and i dun want my tiny toes to be stepped...

someone had urged me to update. well.... i really wanted to do so. but my mind was blank whenever i faced the computer. last week was a pretty stressed week for me. be it at work or social life. i realised that most of my friends wanted a happy ending for both charles and i. but it was impossible. i also met met up with kaizhong and kailing. kailing was pretty harsh when she bought the matter up. she had been questioning me, "did he treat you badly?" so many times. and i had to assure her that it had nothing to do with the way charles treated me. yes. i admited that he treat me REALLY REALLY good. but somehow feelings do fade as time goes by. i couldn't bring myself to decieve him that i was still in love with him. isn't that being unfair to him? i do feel the pressure my friends gave me. but sometimes i just simply brushed off. if i couldn't take it, i just let my tears to flow. till now, i hadn't cry out loud.. mum also started questioning me bit by bit.

As much as I wanted to start a relationship with him, I found myself holding back. An INVISBLE force is holding me back!!! I still yet to settle the issues with charles and his mum. It was hard for me to blurb everything to his mum. Things still have to be handle in a dipolmatic, calm and sensible manner. As for kailing and all my dear friends out there, it is natural for you all to be worried about me. i really feel appreciated and touched by it. i believed that i'll know whether he is a good or a bad person when the time comes. for now i think i'll take the road with lots of traffic rather than the expressway. Fancy me making my own life difficult huh? i believed obstacles will make stronger than ever. * Road with traffic - aquaintances -> good friends -> close friends -> best friends ->lovers -> couples * Expressway - aquaintancs -> lovers -> couples

i'm speechless when charles tag me. after reading the conversation between kailing and charles, i felt very consoled. i know all of you are worried about me. i promise i will take care of myself. kailing, i also miss you and kaizhong VERY VERY VERY much. I missed the times we go esplanade, lau pa sat and sitting down at the macDonalds doing nothing. i also missed my darling, hannah. it has been a long time since the last time we went out together.

There's a lot of people asking me why i broke up with charles. It came so suddenly. Without a warning or sign. I know its hard for you people to accept. Especially kailing. I know you're somehow angry with it. The Reason Its partly because of jason (the one who make heart race). The main reason was i don't feel for him anymore. ya.. some of you won't accept that as a reason. Everytime i see jason, my heart will race. i almost couldn't breathe. it may sound ridiculous. i thought that will happen only for the first few times. BUT it wasn't. i began to re-think what happen. after so much consultation from my cubicle mates. i finally know my answer. break. Back to Single.. I need to clarify something. Many thought that i would be with jason after the breakup. Though we do have feelings for each other, i would like to enjoy the life of a single. At the same time, i want to meet more people. As for jason and me, let nature takes its own course. Feel

should i stick to my Gucci Envy Me and L'EAU PAR KENZO? it really smell NICE when mixing them together. saw another perfume by Issey Miyaki. smells mild and nice....... -.-" L'eau Dissey

i had joined singlehood.. some might feel its a pity. some might think i'm selfish and heartless. i don't care how people looked at me. even there's no one side me. all i had done was to follow my heart. this decision was not made on impulse. i had considered many days. since i had took the first step out, there was no way i could turn back. no matter how hard tough the road down may seems to be, i will not regret.

i'm in a bad shape... my stomach is feeling weird i couldn't eat anything except for some snacks or fruits i did not have enough of my beauty sleep and because of these, i 'm S L O W soon i'll become an O LD H A G